For non-tech Luddites like me, the world can be a scary place.

My sweetie, the Evil Princess, was playing one of her incessant iPhone games. You have to understand that I’m the guy who sees a computer as a typewriter with a built-in silencer, and her credo is “iPod, iPad, iPhone, therefore I am.”  Innocent child of the mid-20th century that I am, I asked her what she was playing on the iPhone that never leaves her hand.

Her reply sounded like “pokey Mongo.”

This struck me as strange, since I have dealt with some Mongos in my life and none of them struck me as slow and pokey.  In fact, most of them were quicker than they looked.  This led to discussion.

Turns out that Pokemon Go has gotten people in trouble, hurt, or even killed.  They walk around blindly following images in their iPhones to find phantasmic, hideous creatures and capture them in ways I have yet to understand, and stumble cluelessly into traffic or onto the posted property of angry homeowners who don’t like trespassers.

And THEN, she explained that they’re invisible except to her tribe of iPeople with iDevices, and surround us everywhere.  She showed me a picture of one that sneaked up on me unnoticed while I was at a magazine stand in the Midwest waiting for her to finish shopping.  Aauugghh!

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They seem to be not only impertinent, but unresponsive to verbal commands and impervious to pain compliance techniques. Here’s one she photographed in California. Turns out you can put a cigarette out on their head and they get pretty nonchalant about it.

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They’re also sneaky. Around Christmas, this one – apparently, a leader among his kind – tried to sneak up on me in Florida.  This time, however, I was ready, and was able to convince him to leave at gunpoint.

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Pikachu, meet “Glock-at-chou!”

It’s a scary world out there.  Beware!

27 COMMENTS

  2. So true. I see “Dead Walkers” all the time. They ride the bus with me. They are walking up and down the streets staring at a screen in front of their face while jabbing it with their thumbs. They rudely (and blindly) walk right into my path so that I regularly have to dodge them.

    Only someone who is sound asleep is more in “Condition White” then a dead walker.

    Perhaps evolution will soon screen them out since many dead walkers seem like good candidates for winning “Darwin Awards”!

  3. They really are clueless. The company apparently grabbed its list of venues from Facebook Check-ins. Seemed like a good idea at the time, until you stop to think that people Check In to all sorts of places, like hospitals, the London Holocaust Museum, or various veteran’s cemeteries. Places were having to put up signs to ask players to not vault fences, interrupt services, and so forth. The company came up with a way for venues to contact them and be removed from the game, so at least someone was paying attention.

  5. Fortunately I am impervious to all this sort of nonsense.
    It helps if one is not trendy. In fact, I am whatever the opposite of trendy is.

  7. MichaelJT,

    I’m with you buddy. My kids always said that I put the Fud in Fuddy Duddy. I wear that description with pride.

  8. Mas,

    The whole family throughly enjoyed this article. My nine year old laughed for about half an hour after reading it. Thank for the chuckle!

  10. Thanks for the needed laugh! I confess I did put it on my phone to see what all the fuss was about, but determined it could become a obsession and quickly deleted it!

  12. At a recent family get together, I made the announcement that when I die, I will leave instructions to have the pastor collect all the smart phones before funeral services begin. No one is going to be playing video games while I am on the way out. 🙂

  13. Why do I seek Mas?

    A clear example: “… typewriter with a built-in silencer.” Few could think that way!

    It is great to be ROTHFLOLWTIME. (Can the Evil Princess decipher that? My guess is yes.)

  14. How dare you!

    Using tobacco and leaving video evidence on top of that.

    Those things are dangerous! The cigarette that is!

    BTW who still reads gun magazines at the magazine rack anymore?
    GEEZE.

    LOL and Thanks for all you do!
    rp

  15. I don’t think it’s a good idea to admit to having invisible creatures around you. Good thing you have the pictures to prove it! Thanks. I needed a good laugh.

  17. It is bad enough being addicted to IPad stuff but I have studiously avoided even trying that game, lot of friends do it but say it helps them walk for exercise as excuse.

    If they don’t get hit by a bus.

  18. “iPod, iPad, iPhone, therefore I am.” That’s brilliant! Reminds me of “GIGO.” Garbage in, garbage out. Also, “smart machines, stupid people.”

    I keep wondering when all this new techno-stuff will end. I am artsy, and art and music stopped developing a long time ago. Therefore I keep thinking technology will also stop developing sometime. Now they talk about Artificial Intelligence someday taking over. I reckon I can just pull the plug on those machines, or maybe pop out their batteries, and that will stop ’em. I guess the evil programmers will make sure the machines won’t allow me to do that.

    I guess we are creating Frankenstein, but he’s a robot, not an electrified corpse. Ah well, God is in control. I remember a few years ago, everyone thought they’d be able to clone humans. So far, no primates have been cloned, to my knowledge. Maybe God is finally putting some limits on technology. I hope so. I want to be neo-Amish.

    All we need is another Carrington Event, and it’s back to 1850, or maybe we go even farther back if people refuse to help each other.

  19. I remember encountering this in early July. Walking in the park, I noticed a disproportionate number of adults staring at their phones. I figured there was some urgent breaking news, like a terrorist attack or something similar. I carefully selected someone to ask what was happening and he explained the new game. These were adults. Dozens upon dozens in a county park walking around transfixed to their phones. It was very strange. I was actually relieved that it was something so silly.

  20. Mas, I have searched diligently but unsuccessfully to find your photograph on the cover page of GQ Magazine. Who indeed spread the rumor within the American gun owner community that you held a second job as a fashion model hired to display high end male clothing lines for all to see? LOL!

    In the pic above marked “Pikachu, meet ‘Glock-at-chou!’ “, the specific shirt that you are wearing appears to be the perfect choice under which to conceal a properly holstered handgun in hot and humid climates.

    It reminds me of the Cuban-originated “Guayabera” shirt that I wore on active duty in Central America over three decades ago to conceal on my right hip a boat anchor of an Army-issued M1911A1 45 ACP Pistol that had me leaning to the right as if I were performing a limbo dance!

    Check out the Guayaberas displayed for sale on the website below.

    http://www.mycubanstore.com/

    Would you be so kind as to share the brand, style and name of the shirt that you are wearing in the referenced pic? The loose cut, the length and the “no tuck” feature make the shirt any pistol packer’s dream. The “UnTuckIt” shirts now marketed by a company out of NYC look fantastic but they are too short to be of much use to pistoleros.

  22. Mas,

    You should have also included a picture of you sharing a beer with one of the little, yellow demons.

    That way, you would have all of the BATF bases covered: Alcohol, tobacco and firearms! 🙂

  23. Dang, TN_MAN, you’re onto something. And if I can catch one sitting on some Tannerite, I’ll have explosives and get all five.

    I am reminded of the signature line of Art Eatman, administrator over at thehighroad.org: “You’re from BATFE? Come right in! I use all your fine products!”

  25. Rokurota, “Mongo” was a character in the iconic movie comedy “Blazing Saddles.” Picture Godzilla in the form of a big white dude in a ten gallon hat. It has become a synonym for large, scary, super-strong human bullies.

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