TESTOSTERONE, ESTROGEN, AND GUNPOWDER

I am not by any means an expert on the Gender Wars.  During the Sexual Revolution, I was MIA, and during the Battle Between the Sexes I was a POW.

However, I’ve noticed that cute threads on this topic sometimes pop up in the Internet gun forums.  A few years ago there was one called “Ten Reasons Why Guns Are Better Than Women.” (Your primary doesn’t get jealous of your backup. You can get a silencer for a gun. You can trade a .44 for two .22s.)

This was quickly followed by a riposte on the theme of “Ten Reasons Why Guns Are Better Than Men.” (Guns don’t leave spent casings all over the toilet seat.  Guns work whether you stroke their ego or not. And, yes, you can trade a .44 for two .22s.)

I was reminded of this by a recent “joke for guys” on the Internet titled “Spring Classes For Women.”  A self-styled shooterchick of my acquaintance responded.  Apparently, one rule of life that should be right up there with “do not eat the yellow snow” is, “do not tease smart women who carry guns and have shooting trophies.”  Her responses can be found in red, below.

I’ll go hide behind solid cover now…

Spring Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Tuesday, June 23, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

It was Hot, it was cold, go outside if you don’t like it.

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Doesn’t matter bitching is an art form, a means of expression.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Not if they may have ammo.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

A suitcase is rigid, hard to the touch. A purse needs to hold all your personal items, a camera, a recorder, and all his shit you need to keep track of.

Class 5
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

They don’t need to; they can happily coexist with the Hair/beard trimmer that men leave on the counter.

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

When is there a break on Glocktalk?

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

No

Class 8
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Do they have an equivalent for crabby men?

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

This is a class on Fantasy/Mythology

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Or you can be like a man and park 2 blocks away.

Class 11
Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Yeah, slow down two blocks before you need to.

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Leave his butt at home, take the plastic.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered..
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours…

Just go to Walgreens, they have everything you need and if you look long enough you will find it all.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven–What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Yes, if he gets the ammo off/out of it, you can actually cook with it.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.