A week ago, when I was away from home, a dear friend was up late, unable to sleep because of something that felt like a combination of indigestion and, maybe, a hiatal hernia. Being about a year older than me – in the age group where one’s friends croak with alarming and saddening frequency – he decided that some medical attention would be in order.
That turned out to be a damn good move. They found a 95% blockage in the anterior descending coronary artery, a situation that some cardiologists call “the widowmaker.” The folks at the hospital handled it swiftly and efficiently. He now has a stent in place, inserted through the femoral artery, and by yesterday he was not only out of the hospital but shooting on the pistol range with me. His prognosis is excellent.
Ah, the wonders of modern medicine…and, ah ha, the wisdom of listening to your body (and knowing what to listen for), and not waiting until the pain closes deep inside the center of your chest like an iron claw before you start to take action.
Tonight, though, he and I spent some time talking about something else. I hadn’t learned of his near miss until four days later. When it went down, he and his wife were too busy to notify their friends.
My friend had a lot of time to think in the hospital. It occurred to him that if he had just blinked out, his wife would never have known how much his guns and his guitars are worth, and might have been ripped off and lost their value after he was gone. We talked, and now he’s going to take some time to put together a detailed list of what everything is worth, including the accessories. Some of his collectibles are worth literally a hundred times as much to another collector or enthusiast as a lay person would price them by guesswork at a yard sale or auction. Lists will be made of people who can guide his widow in disposing of his worldly goods to her best financial advantage.
When life-threatening crisis is upon us, there are too many more urgent things to do than to tell everybody that someone is really sick, or hurt really bad. A group of us decided tonight in my living room to put a phone tree network together, and share names, phone numbers, and both snail mail and email addresses of people who should be notified at such times. When the time comes – not “if,” but “when,” because the final exit will come for all of us – pulling the trigger on that list will allow the closest of the loved ones to do the most important things while the next ring(s) out can be handling the less imperative notifications.
I’ve seen too many people die intestate, seen too many people defer the recognition of their own mortality and not keep their last will and testament up to date, and not plan for inheritance taxes…and, as a result, have watched helplessly as what those good people wanted to go to certain designated heirs, instead was devalued and blown away like sand in a duststorm. Or, worse, was stolen by the vultures who prey on the grief of the bereaved. My “after I’m outa here” distribution has been locked in place for a long time (and kept regularly updated), but I learned some things this week. The notification process, and the reaching out and gathering of the extended family and friends circle, are gonna be a LOT better in order now.
The one thing certain in this life is the leaving of it. We all need to remember that if we want the aftermath of that to go the way we want it, it’s up to us to put the mechanism in place now, while there is still time.
The Reaper tends to make his visits unannounced.
Thanks for the great advice. I have recently been involved with a freinds family helping settle his estate. Fixing dollar values for some of the firearms became quite a challenge as the value fluxes dramatically based on the buyer. Is it collectible? Is it a shooter? Is it some kind of rarity? Gun stores in my area are reluctant to quote any kind of price unless you are selling it to them, then it is LOW. Fortunately all but one gun ultimately went to family members and I bought the last one. For what it’s value new was, as the money goes to his young kids.
The same advice surely applies to tools, motor vehicles etc. A list of local dealers or valuation services or good aution houses could be very helpful too.
Nice post – Good reminders. I am just glad he is OK.
Mas,
Great reminder and words of wisdom, as usual.
I need to sit down and work on this. I’ve told my wife, “Adult Supervisor” that some of my guns will bring her some decent money, but she has no clue what they are worth. It would be too easy for her to be taken advantage of.
This is a situation I intend to fix, starting today. My “circle” is small, but trusted. I will start updating the list so to speak. Thank s again for the reminder. Take care and stay safe.
Biker
It’s always amazing to me the number of people that have forgotten that nobody gets out of this life alive. Planning ahead will save your loved ones much hassle.
Quick story. When my parents passed away they left this world with zero assets (all being taken by the nursing home). That is except for three handguns in 99% condition. Being a good guy in NY state I handed them over to the county Sheriff as the law demands within 10 days. I investigated getting a NY pistol permit on Long Island but it turned out that would cost me 300 bucks. Plus regular renewals at 200 dollars. A local club to shoot was 350 dollars a year. The Sheriff informed me that I would need an FFL to ship them anyplace. A local FFL was going to charge me 100 bucks for EACH pistol to ship them. Plus I would need an FFL in my home county to pick them up. Cost unknown. I gave up the idea of a NYS pistol permit and decicded to sell them to a friend. No problemo…FFL again, plus I needed to now get a probate court to turn over the guns that I HAD BROUGHT TO THE SHERIFF. THE ONLY and FINAL posssesions of my parents. So a probate lawyer and process was sure as hell going to cost me a grand minimum. The sheriff wouldn’t even let me have the local bandit FFL buy them. I finally gave up and told the Sheriff he could cut them up. I will stick to my long guns.
As a result, I sat down and created a MS Word document that sits on my computer in a folder called IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. It details as much as I could think of that would need to be done by the wife or kids or whomever. They all know the document is there. From adding water to the boiler to selling the guns. Insurance, next husband or boyfriend (don’t end up alone dammit! enjoy life!), everything. Step by step.
Plus a final word to them all…that they shouldn’t worry if they do something other than what I spelled out. I wouldn’t be complaining to anyone.
Mr. Ayoob:
Thank you for the thought provoking discussion.
As you clearly stated, we are all too busy to think about the end; even though we all know it is coming.
One of my goals now is to find a way to meet you in person, as every thing that I read about or by you indicates you are an exceptional person.
Thank you for sharing,
Capt. Art
I needed to have my parents will go through probat just due to it’s age, luckily the lawyer who drafted it and the one witness was still living….. The funny part was their will giving me ‘custody of my 30 year old ‘baby’ sister and her part going to a trust fund as it didn’t have a age clause for when she matured…. LOL
I have one ready and hopefully not gonna be used for a while, but I will keep it updated every few years or so. That’s also a important aspect most people don’t think about.
Sometimes I see some of the ‘evil guns’ that are given $25-50 for at one of the ‘buy back programs’ and it pisses me off that they’d take a rifle worth $1500 or more from someone and give them crap for it. I think they should have a gunsmith there and pay book value for them.
There is a little prayer that many gunnies recite regularly: When I die “I sincerely hope that my wife does does not sell my guns for what I told her I paid for them.”