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Massad Ayoob on Guns

Want to Comment on a blog post? Look for and click on the blue No Comments or # Comments at the end of each post.

Massad Ayoob


Monday, July 17th, 2017

…you walk into the bathroom and realize she has opened a portal to hell in the toilet.

It turns out that it’s a device called a IllumiBowl available from  Yes, the colors are optional and changeable.

And people say, “She was so nice when I met her. Why do you call her the Evil Princess?”

Well, now you know.

I had to remind her that frightening old men is a hate crime.

(Or at least, should be…)


Photo of the Illumibowl unit.

The Illumibowl


  1. George Lob Says:

    That’s funny, I just saw this at a friend’s house this weekend.

  2. AD Says:

    Why the heck would she pick red? Trying to scare you into having a colonoscopy?

  3. Randy Says:

    Mas, I think she is trying to say something. Like, always put the damn seat down!

  4. Dennis Says:

    Unbelievable, I thought the one my daughter bought for me as a gag gift for Father’s Day was the only one in existence. It has the most sensitive motion detector activation I’ve ever seen. Walk past the open bathroom door twenty feet away and instant light show.

  5. James Says:

    This is a helpful low visibility target acquisition tool for night skirmishes.

    Gail is clearly doing everyone a favor here.

  6. Gert Says:

    Red so it doesn’t damage your night vision. How considerate.

  7. BabySharkEsq Says:

    This is hilarious! Hmmmmm…… considering ordering and secretly installing one, just to see how hubby reacts .

  8. WR Moore Says:

    She may view it as serving a multitasking house cleaning purpose. It illuminates your target, thereby improving your aim and if it frightens you to death…………………………..

  9. Roger Willco Says:

    What will they think of next? Oh, I know. I machine that cuts the food on your plate into bite-sized pieces, then picks it up and feeds it to you. That way you don’t have to be bothered using the fork, spoon and knife anymore! No more having to look down at the plate while you’re watching TV!

  10. Dennis Says:

    Mas, I apologize for straying off thread, but……this story would normally have non-stop coverage in today’s media world, yet I came it by accident.

    I posted two links to illustrate a point. At first blush, this story is an anti-cop protagonist’s dream story. Cop shoots unarmed woman for no apparent reason. To be truthful, at this point there seems to be no explanation as to why the officer shot her. As I always advise others, I’m waiting for all the evidence to come to light.

    But……….., after reading both stories, one from a British based news outlet and one from a mainstream American news outlet, note the blatant omission in the WaPo story. Both stories have the approximately same dateline.

    One reveals that the police officer pulling the trigger is a Somali immigrant with a name that would indicate a strong possibility of his being Muslim. The one shot, an unarmed female in an alley, at night, wearing pajamas. Would the possibility of Sharia influence be causing a reluctance on the part of the media?

    Will be interesting to see how this plays out. Sorry for straying off topic.

  11. Larry Cunningham Says:

    My wife has said that us men brag about a the small group size we shoot at long distances but can’t hit the bowl in front of us. I just ask her if she has seen the size of scopes we use to hit that faraway target. Also there are no bellies between me and the scope.

  12. Bogie Says:

    Dude, it looks just fine with the seat down.

    You may use that advice if brave enough.

  13. Weer'd Beard Says:

    The red won’t mess up your night vision!

    I like it!

  14. Roger in NC Says:

    Now that is just freakin’ scary. Next she will be insisting you sit.

  15. Jack Finch Says:

    Mas, I’m with you… Definitely bordering on a hate crime against geezers like us.

    Gail should know better… might trigger something bad.

    She in your will perchance?

    Just sayin’…:-)

  16. Wood Says:

    Getting ready to start potty training my 26 month old twins. I wonder if this could help or just really screw things up?

  17. Tom T Says:


  18. the Northwestern Diamondback Says:

    LOL, old friend! You just gave me a Quote of the Day for this week’s column over at RedState…

    Seriously, that thing looks like something I tangled with playing DOOM back in high school… something so unholy it took three BFG blasts to kill, of which just one is usually enough for “When You Have To Turn Everything You See Into Splattered Gibs RIGHT NOW.”

  19. Alan M. Says:

    Needs to project a ten ring in the center…

  20. Steve from MA Says:

    Uh, I bot one of these so I know wtf I’m going at nite. Yes, I keep it on red for night vision. My wife likes it.

    There used to be signs in men’s rooms “we aim to please, you aim, too, please”. Maybe a good saying for a gun blog also.

  21. Tionico Says:

    Red so you can see well enough at night…. and the rats can’t see you because their eyes don’t see red.

    Might have other uses once you get potty trained well enough to hit the hole every time. Like putting out next the compost pile so when you are forced to get up in the middle of the night to release some pressure, you can relax a bit and off a few rats out the window.
    How thoughtful.

  22. David S. Keough Says:

    I thought she’s maybe a better shot in competition. I’m sure she’s very sweet, in person. I’d, really like to meet the both of you in person someday.

  23. the Northwestern Diamondback Says:

    Also, could be worse… when I was knee-high to a grasshopper I got my grandfather But Good with a crapper ambush of my own. Tape Pop-it fireworks to the legs on the bottom of the seat, gently lower said seat, next member of family to plop their heavy butt down for Morning Constitutional…

    After a minute or two hopping up and down like an organ-grinder’s monkey even he had to join in the Busting A Gut… this was a guy who always thought the Baby Ruth bar scene in Caddyshack was hysterical.

    DON’T let Gail see this comment, we don’t want her getting ideas and you blaming me for it… or it might be a fun Gotcha in reply. 🙂

  24. Spencer B. Says:

    LED in the can scaring Mas Ayoob?!

    Nah, I don’t buy it. #fakenews

    Good post though! Funny and smart invention for sure. It’s like a laser sight for attending the facilities at night…



  25. Steve (The Pro Arms Podcast one) Says:

    When I went in there a couple of days ago, all I heard was a low, guttural, raspy whisper saying: “GET OUUUT!” No way I’d ever sit on that!

  26. Steve (The Pro Arms Podcast one) Says:

    We had a rather large snake pay a visit to our kitchen last Friday evening. That wasn’t as scary as the Evil Princess trying to turn her toilet into a Lava Lamp! Just sayin’…

  27. Chris S. Says:

    A laser site for aiming might be helpful too!

  28. MichaelJT Says:

    This device is intended to allow a woman to see if the seat is down. Most women have a story about falling in, and some man is always at fault in that story.

    There is a very simple way to train a woman to always check to see if the seat is down, and you don’t have to buy toilet lights. You already have the tools necessary.

    Simply place the toilet plunger into the toilet with the handle sticking out the front. If she attempts to sit down without looking the handle will poke her in the….well, you get the idea.
    In the event she is poked in this manner, she will never, EVER attempt to sit down without looking every again.

    You, however, will be awoken in a most interesting manner.

  29. Rich Zore Says:


  30. Two-gun Steve Says:

    Just make sure she doesn’t add anything that isn’t low-voltage.

  31. LittleBill Says:

    Now if they could come out with a variation that projects a hologram of Barack Obama’s face onto the bottom of the bowl…

  32. Dennis Says:

    Two-gun Steve,

    You’re comment reminds me of the time my Dad hooked an electric fence charger to the wheel of his pick-up in response to the neighbors dog’s ritual of every morning “marking” them as his territory. I’ll never forget the first morning afterwards, the dog’s reaction when he cut loose with his stream, falling over on his back, squalling, and digging empty air with his paws trying to get traction to escape.

    The dog never returned for a rematch.

  33. the Northwestern Diamondback Says:

    Forwarded this to the girlfriend, and her response was “REAL Evil would have been Saran Wrapping the bowl.”

    Um, maybe the two of us taking a MAG40 class together someday ISN’T such a hot idea, especially if the Evil Princess is in-tow with Mas… *ulp*

  34. Merle Says:

    back a few years I saw a gizmo called a “toilet monster” IIRC.
    it was an ogre that sat inside the bowl, and its “hands” attached to the lid.
    when you raised the lid – it popped out at you – with (sometimes) hilarious side effects!

  35. TN_MAN Says:

    @ Mas:

    “I had to remind her that frightening old men is a hate crime.”

    I disagree. Mas, I am afraid that the pervasive PC propaganda climate, created in the U.S. by the Leftists, is beginning to affect your thought processes. That is the whole point of Leftist propaganda: Thought Control! The Leftists see George Orwell’s book, 1984, as a training manual rather than as a novel!

    The whole concept of “Hate Crime” is an invention of the Left to further their efforts to pit group against group so as to gain and hold political power. See this link:

    In summary, what the EP did was just an ordinary crime NOT a “Hate Crime”. You need to apologize to her immediately for going all PC on her and letting the Leftists momentarily gain control over your thought processes! 🙂

  36. Petercat Says:

    I once saw a sign in a German restaurant:
    “We don’t piss in your ashtrays.
    Please don’t throw butts in our urinals”.
    And yeah, true evil is putting saran wrap over the bowl, under the seat.

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